this is my favorite goofy pun ever, I have told it at least five times
I don’t care, fuck you
as you all know, saint patrick walked barefoot as an act of contrition, which made his feet rugged and blistered. he ate an ascetic’s diet, which made him weak and additionally gave him bad breath.
all of this made him
a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
oh my god
it is how it’s always been. nothing gets any worse or any better. it’s the most emotionally draining thing that could ever be. the only thing that holds me back in life. nothing has ever and will ever come before it. it’s this dysfunctional, fucked up family of mine.
she requested that i wake her up at 11pm. when I asked what the reason was she needed to be awoken, she replied with “I want to be the first person to tell you happy birthday.” I love her more than I should.
i’ll be your bonnie. be my clyde. we’ll make these cowards run and hide. I just wanna spend the rest of my life with you. thru the good times and the bad. boyfriend, girlfriend, mom and dad. whatever.